I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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