Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
