I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
