sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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