Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish i was in the wii world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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