Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
