i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
