"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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