got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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