I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Randomize
