Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(956): View more from Texas

I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.

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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone

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