after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
