Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
