"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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