Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
