I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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