What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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