then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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