Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
