my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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