Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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