I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
