Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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