If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize