drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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