Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
