I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
