My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
