Me too!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
