I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
