Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
