Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
