come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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