One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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