I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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