I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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