just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
