I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
