Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
