the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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