saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Vodka?
Forever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
