Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
