how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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