So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
