I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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