I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
