I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
