Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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