You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
