Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
