This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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