How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
