He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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