I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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