There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
