In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
