we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
