Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
