My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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