I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
