well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Blood and glitter go together right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
