I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
