do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
