She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
