i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
