I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
