three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
