I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
