I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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