The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I looked at my own cervix.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
