dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
