my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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