i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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