I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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