So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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